does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
