She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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