definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
