NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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