please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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