Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
