can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
