Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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