How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
