Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
