Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I believe in your delicious
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
