I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do herpes really smell.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
