Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
