I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
