hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
