literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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