Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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