Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
