Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
