btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
