I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
