You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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