His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
