I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My feet surprised me
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