im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
