your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize