Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
