That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
