weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
