i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
