as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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