If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
