I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
