So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
