it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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