So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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