I think I am morally bankrupt
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
