I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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