I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
