My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
