Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
