Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
