Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
