I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
