Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
