the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
