on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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