next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize