Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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