I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
