the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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