I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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