that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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