this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
