sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
