he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
