easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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