I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
