why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
