Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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