dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
