why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
