you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
