Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
