definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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