god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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