Michael Bay diarrhea
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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