I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
